mouse

hannah found a baby mouse i guess we're keeping it.....

when it doesn't work

what happens when you try everything and nothing works?...... should you give up? keep trying.. what? how do you know when enough is enough.. when you've given/done as much as you possibly can?... when you need to accept the fact that that somethings ...even though they seem like they are in your control.. aren't. can we really control anything? or just try to minimize the effects of the unpleasant side effects and try to hold on to the joys??

i know.. way more philosophical that i need to be......

obsessed

my son alex is having kids over today to celebrate his 16th birthday. a house full of teenagers.. i know they will be playing video games.. specifically guitar hero....

since i'm still on the mend from my kidney stone ordeal.. i've been laying low.. taking my meds and gaining energy back. that means... while no one is looking i've been practicing guitar hero :)

i know... obsession isn't pretty.

last night on my social distortion song i hit 99% on medium with a grand total score of 220,041!!!!!! ok.. for those of you who aren't video game savvy.. thats a decent score. good enough to have beat that bouncer who came in at the last minute last week and took my glory.

i've learned 2 other songs now.. i'm building my repertoire.

today will be the test... my nemesis.. people who sit around in their mother's basement in their underwear playing video games. (just for the record, every time i've played the video game i'm totally dressed and ready to run out the door in case anyone asks what i was doing) its a true obsession.. but i'm a closet video game player... and since my house is nearly always full of people.. it keeps my obsession at bay.

omg... i hear something right this minute.... its MY SONG>......... who is practicing..

i'm horrified.. its Bill! he is so competitive!!!! he just got booed off the stage ;)

i'm off to costco to buy pizza and snacks for the party.. i'll save my self for when it really matters.. when the boys are in the basement i'll walk down and say.. "hey can i try?"

i'll keep you updated.

obsessively yours,
b

heros

i have 3 teenage boys in my house.. that means i have video games.. i have several different gaming systems often going on several different TVs at the same time. my house is the house where kids go after school.. i'm within walking distance of the high school so that means its a good place to hang out between the end of school and anything that might be happening at school that night. i have one daughter.. who really doesn't mind that our house is the place where there teenage boys enjoy hanging out.

at least once a week my husband and i go out to our local pub .. its a neighborhood place, close to home. they often have bands, DJs, or other events..

last thursday we went to the pub and there was a radio station there holding a contest.. .for Guitar Hero. i have never in my life even held the controller to guitar hero.. but i do understand the game.. (seeing as its often going on in multiple rooms of my house at once)

Bill decided it would be a good idea (after i'd had a few beers) to sign me up to play...

so there i was.. signed up with 6 other contestants to play guitar hero.. the grand prize - concert tickets to some bands that i thought were extinct.. Def Leppard, Styx and REO Speedwagon. whoo hoo anyway.. the other contestants consisted of one couple, - boyfriend/girlfriend, and 4 guys that were about 25 years old who all looked as if the main part of their day was spent sitting in their underwear in their mother's basement.. playing video games. i figured i'd be booed off stage..

a few other players played.. some did really well.. some did not... it was my turn. i got up.. was instructed on how to hold the "guitar" and the song began. i was booed off the stage.. not by the crowd in the bar.. but by the video game itself.. how EMBARRASSING. (i am a musician remember.. even though i'm a flute player, classically trained) i think it actually hurt me that i know how to play a little guitar...

i got home that night.. with a booby prize of a tshirt.. and a strong will to learn how to play that silly game.

i talked to my 16 year old son... he showed me the basics.. the next morning when the kids went to school.. i practiced.. for the next few days i practiced.. then i had my kidney stone and forgot about the guitar hero.

last night was thursday .. valentine's day.. i was just starting to feel like a human again after my kidney stone ordeal.. when bill suggested we go to the pub for a salad. (they have great food) the event at the pub last night was supposed to be a band starting at 9pm and buzz time trivia.. the radio station that did guitar hero last week was at another location.

when we got to the pub.. much to our surprise.. two scantily clad girls advertising Guiness Beer on their tiny tshirts were setting up .. yes.. you've guessed it.. GUITAR HERO.

apparently.. Guitar Hero competitions are popular now.. for all kinds of advertising campaigns. Guiness was giving away an electric guitar.. if you won this competition then there is round two at a different pub tonight...final winner gets the guitar.

last night.. contestants were.. 4 college boys.. and me.. 43 yr old mother of 4. scoring was on total points.. not percentage of correct notes... i made sure to clarify. first guy up played.. i was nervous.. he sounded pretty good... hitting all the notes.. but something was strange.. i realized he had the game on "easy" there are 4 settings.. "easy, medium, hard, expert" he finished his song with 93% of the notes correct.. but a score of only 28,400. the next 3 college kids got up to play.. all on easy... they all scored about the same, in the 90% range.. and 25,000-35,000 points... if you know guitar hero... you know thats a really really low score.

i believe these guys looked at the somewhat older crowd in the pub and decided that since they were already drunk anyway.. just play it easy and one of them would win.

i thought to myself.. hmmm i've never even tried a song on easy.. my own son set me up starting on medium... you get more points the harder the setting is. i have even played some songs on "hard".. should i play the song i know really well on easy and try to beat their measly scores?? i'm the last contestant. no...i'm not going to play it safe.. thats not me.. i'm a musician.. play what you practice.. (remember i've had 3 days of practice and then a kidney stone that kept me from doing anything for the next 3 days.. so up i go. i change the setting to medium and choose a song from Social Distortion.

it starts... damnit.. i miss the opening lick.. the boys figured they have it in the bag... then i get in my groove (refers to a previous blog) i'm hitting every note in a 50 note stretch... then i get the "star power" bonus.. my points are racking up... i'm over 50,000 now.. i know i've won it.. but still want to do my best.. the song is 3/4 finished when it comes to the bridge of the song... the hardest part... i flub a bit.. but don't totally fall apart.. then its the ending.. i nail it.. i even used the whammy bar a few times to increase my points even further.. i end up with a score of 110,228. :) see what a little practice can do??

i was very proud of myself.. the scantily clad girls were impressed... the college boys said nothing but went back to their drinking.. but i had my own personal victory. i was moving on to round 2... the next pub.. gonna win my son the electric guitar.. when.. all of a sudden... out of no where.. the bouncer in the bar walks up to the girls..

i didn't give it much thought.. i was still trying to not gloat too much about my win... then he took the guitar... and i saw it.. he moved the setting to "hard" i was in trouble.. this guy obviously spent the hours when he wasn't working as a bouncer at the bar.. playing video games in his underwear in his mother's basement!!!!!!! he finished his song with a score of 129,300... :( enough to blow me out of the water.

bill wanted to protest.. he didn't think employees should be allowed to participate.. but the bouncer wasn't an employee of the company holding the contest.. and besides.. its only a game.. right???

so i walked away with 2 tshirts.. the girls felt sorry for me... mr bouncer gets to go to round 2 .. and i'm on a mission.

learn more songs.. on harder settings and find another guitar hero contest for next thursday. at the very least i'm going to end up with a wardrobe of tshirts that advertise alcohol products.. (what every mom needs in her closet)

i'm feeling that tiny nag that tells me i'm a little obsessed... i know it will pass... AFTER I WIN!!!!!!!

12 months later

another day in court

i'm back in court today regarding my new alex's future. seems as though our department of human services is about the most disorganized, backwards, ludicrous organization on the planet.

the trial that was supposed to last 1/2 a day has turned into a 4 1/2 day event. each day filled with new drama..

the emotional toll its taking on everyone.. especially alex is enormous.

today the judge may make a ruling .. cross your fingers for a ruling of termination of mother's parental rights. that way alex can continue to focus on his future and eventually try to recover from his past.

in other news.. 3 more playing jobs til i'm done for christmas!!

my parents are arriving here this weekend.. although they said they are coming just for a short visit i wonder if my mother actually calculated how much time it would take to drive me insane before she left...... sorry to be to cynical during this holiday season.

bill's still traveling.... then again thats not new news.. is it?

sam loves basketball... his team is still undefeated

alex c (new alex) scored 1570/1600 on the SAT he's disappointed he didn't scored 1600 :/ and will be sitting for it again in the spring.

alex h. seems to have found his own way to make some money.. while continuing to sit on his rear end in front of a computer. a mom from the school asked him to look at her laptop computers.. neither of them were working correctly. alex was able to repair.. optimize and save her important work.... i told him he could charge her $20 she insisted on paying him 4x that amount and has started giving his name to people for computer repair... he's had several more jobs since then.. i'm flabbergasted.. i knew he understand all the ins and outs of computers.. but i had no idea he could do this. i suppose all those hours on the computer can be chalked up to training now ;)

i'm ready to put hannah in a small spaceship and shoot her to the moon. her attitude towards the world is really quite wonderful.. her attitude towards me .. well thats a different story.

thats it for now....
b

december...

i know.. its already well into december.. but a good friend reminded me that it would be a nice idea to let people know how things are going..

as a musician december is always my busiest time of year.. i'm not complaining.. i'd rather play music that do just about anything else i can think of. when december 25 arrives i will have played 23 different engagements in 30 days.

as most everyone knows i've been dealing with the department of human services a lot lately. a friend that i met thru my new son Alex is a foster mother. she works mostly with babies.. although she did take alex in as foster child when he was 14. that was alex's 3rd stay in fostercare..

anyway.. my friend marion currently has two babies in her care.. both will most likely be available for adoption in the very near future. marion asked if i would come to her house and take pictures of the children in the foster care system.. and the ones that are up for adoption.. for the department of human services.


these precious angels have had a very hard start in life.. but hopefully they will have a permanent family to love them very soon. the sweet little girl in pink is 9 months old and the adorable baby boy is just 8 weeks old. he was taken to the hospital when he was 7 days old.. bruised head to toe.. he's been in foster care for 7 weeks and is developing normally.. i'm sure he will be a blessing to someone who has room in their hearts and home.



not all foster care stories are bad.. sometimes things work out very well. when i was shooting portraits i was able to meet a young mother. she had a baby when she was 16 and was unable to care for him... he was placed in fostercare and she was given counseling, finished her education, got a job and just married her son's father. the court reunited her with her now 2 year old son a short time ago. foster care allowed her to grow up a bit and understand the responsibility of being a mother... she had regular visits with her son.. and has a very strong bond with the boy's foster mother. its going to be a tough road for her and her young new family.. but things look good. she wanted a picture of her and her son to give to her new husband as a christmas gift...

besides the portraits and music jobs i have been trying desperately to settle things down within my own family. life has not been easy....

i know this is a temporary situation.... i wish i didn't feel like i have to hold my breath until it settles down...